I wrote this last summer and I wanted to share it because it is an important part of my story and I know sharing it could help someone out there.
At some point in our lives, we may struggle with suicidal thoughts.
I personally struggled with suicidal thoughts a lot as a teenager and had many moments I believed it was never going to get better.
It used to be really hard for me to write about it, even to think about it when I vaguely described it in therapy.
And I’ll share my more in-depth experience another time, when I’m more grounded and okay to share it, but for now I’ll say this: please please please tell someone who can help or who can get you the proper help if you are having suicidal thoughts. I understand it is so difficult to reach out and open up and it’s even harder to put to words the pain you are feeling, but you still deserve the help and you deserve to be heard. And just know that it will get better and you don’t need to leave.
I always say: if you can’t stay for yourself right now, stay for everyone who loves and cares about you so much. And one day, you’ll be able to stay for yourself too.
July 15th, 2015 was my first day driving again and that day I had to drive on the street where I had my suicide attempt nearly two years ago.
When I turned onto that street, “Fight Song” came on the radio, and it brought tears to my eyes.
It reminded me how far I’ve come in my recovery and how I’m more at peace with my past and with what I struggle with.
And though that chapter of my life was difficult for me to go through, and difficult for those around me to understand, I’m proud of where I am now.
Today was a nice reminder that I’ve still got a lot of fight left in me.