Simply put, it’s unhealthy.
You especially don’t have to try to prove your intentions in a situation where you said or did something you know you acted on for all the right reasons, to someone who doesn’t listen.
I’ve found that I don’t need to prove myself or my intentions, especially to those who don’t listen to begin with, because it’s a waste of time, accomplishing nothing, causing more friction, and overall, creating more suffering than peace.
It’s not healthy – for anyone.
And I think is some instances it’s also insincere for one to expect the person they’re disagreeing with to pour their heart out and explain ‘why’ if the instigator has no intention themselves to listen, reconsider their stance, or be compassionate.
I have a recent situation where I did not have to pour my heart out, but I did anyway, and the person did not reciprocate.
I also think this thinking applies to “health concern trolls”. If I post a photo of myself, I often get a slew of rude comments from strangers who assume they know everything about my health, life and set of circumstances, and basically demand I lose weight.
To be clear, there are a few good people amongst the hate who are kind about asking questions about my health. I do expect some comments as I put my life out there to the public.
But a majority of those health concern trolls comment because seeing a fat body makes them uncomfortable. They are not concerned about my life or health. At all. And they likely wouldn’t be concerned about someone’s health in regards to smoking or drinking excessively. When it comes to fat though, people seem to “care” a whole lot more! It’s all about them thinking they have the upper-hand and making themselves feel better because they think “at least I’m not fat like she is” or they approach people they consider to be “wrong” and “bad” (for simply existing in a fat body) with this holier than thou attitude.
It is honestly just unnecessary, excessive and gross to me at this point. I still send them love though!!
Trolls who comment such vile things to fat people, who are not doing anything wrong to begin with, don’t seem to have that much self control. I say that because of the saying, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all”. I follow that unspoken rule myself because it’s not that difficult and I rarely find myself in situations where these trolls do with spewing hate online to strangers!
A lack of self control and a lack of compassion are huge red flags in deciding if you should spark a conversation with someone in regards to any sort of friction between you both.
And chances are, if anger is an emotion already present, little to nothing would successfully change a person’s mind, or at the very least, help them see a different perspective.
In situations where you know and trust the other person, or you feel safe enough, you can always stop the conversation and discuss at a later time when emotions are not so high.
Emotions only last 90 seconds; however, what keeps someone in a constant state of anger, sadness, etc. are themselves or another source re-triggering the thought(s) that in turn, re-trigger the emotions. So in some aspects, we have some control over our emotions. The healthiest thing to do is ride out the wave and refocus on something else until we are ready to return to the situation, and ideally will be more able to not experience high-intensity emotions, but a steady line where we can solve problems and accomplish things more effectively.
In situations where being open and honest in the present, and possibly returning to the conversation at a later time, does not feel possible, maybe it’s not worth your time.
Whether it’s a stranger on the internet or someone close to you, you never have to explain your intentions to others in an attempt to prove to them that you are not a bad person.
If someone expects you to explain or fix everything, you do not have to cave for whatever reason, and especially if they initially seem to have no intention to listen to or care about what you have to say.
You know your intentions. And while I don’t know every single person personally who reads this, I have hope you are being a good human being. If you are doing your best and your heart is in the right place, you have good intentions. If you mess up and you apologize for a mistake you made, intentions are beside the point because you took responsibility for hurting someone else. That to me is being a good human being. And that to me, is enough.
So never believe you owe someone explanations if they don’t value you to begin with, and never believe you owe explanations if you suspect the person will not hear you out.
There is no need to pour your heart out for those who would never pour their heart out to you.
Protect yourself and protect your peace.