my journey of choosing recovery, finding balance and creating a life worth living

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Author: Lexie Manion

mental health advocacy through a personal lens

It Takes a Community

It Takes a Community

June 21, 2019June 21, 2019Lexie Manion

You know that quote “It takes a village to raise a child”? I’ve been thinking about my own journey lately and how for me, it takes a community to help my inner child find her way back home.

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art, beauty, blog, blogging, community, eating disorder, eating disorder recovery, eating disorders, faith, friends, grow, health, home, inspiration, mental health, mental health awareness, music, neda, neda symbol, neda walk, NEDAwareness, NEDAweek, progress, quotes, recovery, The Mighty, treatment Leave a comment

The “heal” in Healthy

The “heal” in Healthy

June 9, 2019Lexie Manion

Earlier today, I had my friend Kelly take photos of me doing tree pose after lunch because I was excited to show her my progress, and also, I was excited to visually see my progress myself as I have been practicing more yoga these days!

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I wrote an article on Medium - link in my bio! Let me know what you think!

“If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don't love, I'm nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate If I speak God's Word with power, revealing all of His mysteries and making everything as plain as day And if I have faith to say to a mountain, "Jump," and it jumps, but I don't love, I'm nothing If I give all I own to the poor or even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don't love, I've gotten nowhere So, no matter what I say, no matter what I believe, no matter what I do, I'm bankrupt without love” - 1 Corinthians 13: 1-7, The Message

Sometimes I’ll flashback to who I was as a teenager and feel like I want to apologize for how much I was struggling because who I am and my energy were completely stolen by fear and mental health struggles; I didn’t enjoy life. And because I was so miserable and wanted to hide, I’m sure my friends at the time didn’t enjoy themselves as much as I wish they did. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ All I can say is that I’m so very grateful I can enjoy life now that I’ve made peace with my mind and body. It’s a stark difference between then and now. It’s bittersweet. It’s human to think back and be reminiscent, and sometimes even be sad. I gently remind myself that I just can’t get too wrapped up in it. Letting go is ok. And I’m so grateful to be in a better headspace now. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ To the friends who were the “season” in the “friends for a reason, friends for a season, and friends for a lifetime” quote, I wish you the same healing, joy and freedom. We were worth it all along. ♥️

After I was diagnosed with bulimia nervosa as a teenager, my life seemed to become wrapped up in extremes. The eating disorder first told me that my thighs were too fat, even though I was a healthy size. And once I began purging and restricting my food intake frequently, my legs became smaller, but with that, too, they became weaker. I weighed less, but walking short distances left me out of breath. I looked “ok” but I was very out of shape. Flash-forward to a few years ago and my behaviors had drastically changed. I was primarily binge-eating. I gained a lot of weight directly from behaviors. Through this still disordered lens, I was bigger, loathed my body just as much, and walking short distances still left me out of breath. I was now at the other extreme. This side of the coin is often seen as “you’re lazy” and “you eat too much” (well, duh), but more notably met with less compassion and understanding. It’s as if you’re blamed for being sick. I was in a lot of pain though — that doesn’t change, no matter how much I lost or gained. Being recovered has shown me what life is like out of the extremes. It’s made me more compassionate to all types of struggles, no matter how they may appear on the surface. I’m also much more joyful, grateful and present these days. Weight isn’t always a factor in eating disorder recovery. It was in mine, but in an interesting way. What I learned was that when I appeared smaller/more socially acceptable, I wasn’t any happier. I was miserable being too thin and I was miserable being too heavy. Most of it had to do with my hopeless outlook and poor body image. I see now, too, that being unable to do every day things like walking without tiring myself out so fast was part of the struggle. Much of this battle is also internal, but it can manifest in physical ways like this. Recovery is a really beautiful thing. My thighs are kinda cute speckled with freckles. And my legs are stronger now that my body is healing. They take me to places where my breath is steady. They are part of a healthier mindset and body. They’re mine. I made peace with what they look like because how I feel and what I think matters more.

When life gives ya lemons!!

“Love, you're not alone, 'cause I'm gonna stand by you” ♥️